Your love relationship can only survive if you consistently speak and act with love. And, actually the only way to keep any type of relationship healthy and fulfilling is to speak and act with love, whether it’s your brother or sister, your mom or dad, your boss, your coworker, your friend, or even the person at the check-out counter in a store.
In my 14 years of helping people create better love relationships through psychic readings, in love coaching sessions, and in love readings, I have found that most of us really do not know how to speak and act in order for the other person to keep their heart open so that they actually hear what we have to say, so that they truly understand what we are feeling and why. If the other person is not able to keep their heart open as we interact with them, then we feel rejected, we feel hurt, and we feel unloved. Whenever we feel hurt and find ourselves unable to fix it, the next step for us almost always is to get angry and to take that anger out on the other person.
My observation is that such a scenario occurs more often than not. Logically that actually makes sense because the truth is that usually none of us ever got a lesson in how to act in a love relationship, and we never received any guidance at all about how to communicate in a love relationship! And, worse yet, most of us grew up in homes where mom and dad also never got any such lessons, and so frequently they ended up setting a truly awful example for us about how to love!
If you have siblings, it’s likely that they (we) often echoed the impatience, intolerance, and anger that we saw way too frequently in how our parents spoke and acted towards each other. My observation is that as love relationships get to the point where the thrill of falling in love has died, then we begin to feel frustrated and hurt that our partner does not seem to admire or appreciate us like they did in the beginning, and that easily leads to feelings of rejection, which is the absolute worst kind of pain for most of us. And because most of us do not know how to behave and communicate with love when we get frustrated or feel rejected and hurt, then we subconsciously and automatically drift into the same kind of ugly and even hateful behavior that we experienced with our siblings, the same vicious behavior which we saw from our parents when they fought. You don’t have to be a love psychic to predict that this love relationship has already begun to die when we behave that way, and that unless we make conscious and deliberate changes in how we speak and act in our love relationship, then we will for sure break up.
There are some relatively simple things that we can do to change how we respond, how we act and talk to our lover:
1. Do not take it personally when your lover is not having a good day. I know this sounds hard to do because when your lover does not have their heart open to you, is ignoring you, of course you’re going to be inclined to take it personally because it hurts! It’s critical to be understanding and tolerant of what your lover is going through that’s causing them to shut down, vital to keep your own heart open by being patient and loving so that your lover feels safe to confide in you what they’re feeling. Frequently, even usually, what caused your lover to not have a good day had absolutely nothing to do with you! See them as the fragile, sweet, innocent, little 5-year-old in them who truly wants nothing more than just to be loved. Love them.
2. Do not make any assumptions. No matter how very nicely you might say, “I can’t believe you said that”, your partner will feel accused, convicted, punished, and rejected by you because in saying those words you made the assumption that what they said was intended to hurt you. The moment we make such an assumption, our partner has closed their heart to us because they’re hurt, and communication either stops or escalates into an ugly fight. If we do not make any assumptions, then we can ask our partner (with love), “What did you mean?”. By so doing, we just communicated to them that we are listening and our heart is open, our partner keeps their heart open because they want us to understand them and want to be truly heard, and when both our hearts are open there is only love!
3. Do not make the other person responsible for your happiness, by saying something like, “I hate it when you do that!”. The fact that you hate whatever they did really has nothing to do with your partner – whatever is bothering you is coming from your childhood, from your own insecurities and fears. It is significantly more effective to say things from the perspective of what’s happening inside your own heart in such a moment, such as, “When something like that happens to me, I feel insecure and a bit scared, and I panic and it’s hard for me to feel safe”. That way your partner has not been accused of making you unhappy, which causes them to close their heart. Usually your partner wants to make you feel loved whenever they can, and this way your partner is left in a position where they feel free to volunteer some way to modify their behavior or try to not behave that way around you. This way both your hearts remain open, and when both your hearts are open there is only love!
4. Do not speak with anger. Never ever call your partner ugly profane names and never ever tell them they are inadequate or useless or degrade them in any way. If you can’t say it with love, don’t say it, or wait to say it until you are more calm and have peace in your heart so that you can say it with love. When we vent our anger we almost always say things that we actually do not believe are true, we say things that we didn’t really intend to say. Worse yet, our anger makes us verbally violent towards each other so we say things that devastate our partner’s feelings, which causes them to doubt us the next time that we do want to show our love, and which causes our partner to not feel safe because they’ve lost trust in us. If you always say it with love, both your hearts remain open, and when both your hearts are open there is only love!
5. Do not hide or suppress it when you get hurt, say so now! But, say it with love!!! Do not let your pain fester and build to a place of anger, do not give your partner the silent treatment – ever!! The silent treatment is one of the most aggressive and violent things that we can do to a person because we are literally not even acknowledging that they exist when we ignore them. Instead, say (with love), “that hurt”, or “when that happens to me it hurts”. Often our partner is not even aware that they just hurt us, and generally since we’re in a love relationship and actually do love each other, then our partner truly does not want to hurt us and did not intend to hurt us and feels really crappy if they do hurt us. When you say “that hurt”, it gives your partner a chance to clarify what they meant, which will usually result in an understanding that makes you realize they did not intend to hurt you, or it gives your partner a chance to be aware that such behavior hurts you so they can modify it, and to apologize and show that they do love you. If you are both lovingly honest and kind in your responses to your partner, both your hearts remain open, and when both your hearts are open there is only love!
When we begin a love relationship, most of us genuinely go out of our way to make the other person feel loved just because we are so deeply in love with them that we want nothing but the very best for them. The only way to make a relationship successful, healthy, long-lasting, and happy is to always make the other person feel loved and appreciated – after all, experiencing love and appreciation is why we’re in a love relationship in the first place! At the core of our being, all of us are still the very vulnerable little 5-year-old who is truly gorgeous because we’re still in tune with where we were before this life, in tune with Source, with the Universe, who is emotionally very fragile, who has a beautiful precious innocent heart, who feels thrilled to share their world with us, and who truly wants nothing more than just to be loved. Look for that beautiful child in your partner and you will love them easily and with delight! As the months and years go by in a love relationship, if we continue to speak and act towards each other the way we did when we first fell in love, then both our hearts remain open, and when both our hearts are open there is only love, and we are happy!